Homeward Bound

Just like Chris Daughtry says "I'm coming home". We just got back from sunny Southern California where I was born and raised. I hadn't been home in 4 years. I didn't know how homesick I was until I was surrounded by all that which was familiar. This time was a little different. Before we returned with little money, no car of our own and short on time. This go around we had planned and saved and thought things out. We had a rental car and 8 days to spend our money how we wished. We had tons of plans and certain expectations neither of which really went by the book.
I was nervous about going back to a place with so many negative feelings and turmoil of the past. I was anxious about how my home had built up and changed, wondering if in all this time it was in actuality the glamorized memories in my head that I missed. I wondered how the people so influential in my life had changed. I had so much I wanted to share with my children about my home state.
To get our children there was the first of many trials. What a long, long, arduous day of travel that first day was with a five year old and a clingy two year old. After we finally made it the beaming smile on my Daddy's face greeting us made it all worth while. It was a little awkward at first, no one exactly knowing how to act or what to say. Not for long though, just leave it up to a five year old to break the ice.
We had planned on accomplishing so much more but with our luck and my family's schedule that just wasn't in the cards for this trip. We were all sick, the entire vacation; fevers and the whole bit. That just made things miserable. We felt like we were trudging through each day. The baby cried every day, wouldn't eat or sleep. We really noticed the 3 hour time difference we were the first ones up and the first ones out each night. This made getting everyone going at the same time a challenge. We all tried to make the most of it. Chance really seemed to enjoy every bit of extra attention, having the time of his life.
It was great to see all those who made California home. We got to spend a lot of time with family. The down side to all of this was that we spent a lot of time with family. It has been ten years and my mother still believes that shaming and embarrassing will somehow solve her problems and change our way of life. I counted about a bazillion times a day in which my mother neglected to use: she, her, and Beth. Especially during introductions or out in public. Again, weird while the kids are saying "mama" and everyone else is saying she. Poor Beth was having a hard time of it whilst most others around us have finally adopted such pronouns. My father and grandfather are still completely clueless and after ten years don't get it at all.
The longer we were there the more heartbroken I became as I realized what a tragic state my family is in and that all I had hoped to fix in my time present was impossible. We might be unconventional but we keep it together. My family out in Cali. is busting apart at the seems. Try as I may there was not enough I could do in 8 days to resolve what has been breaking for 25 years. My siblings and I finally admitted that we were now the adults of the family.
Ventura was more built up but still felt the same. We fit right back into place and it felt again like home. I was so curious how dramatically everyone else had changed in my time gone. My siblings are more mature and my best friend is too a mom so we had school and bed times to work our visits around. My uncle is more sentimental since Grandma's passing and my Papa is giving in to gravity and the realities of time. The thing is I think I've changed the most. I am now a wife and mother of two making and living a life in the south. This is what drives me. This is what keeps me in focus and surrounds my every thought. This is what has given me the courage in a time when I used to cower before her, to walk right up to my mother, in front of her friends and make a bold statement. I used to stand down and let things be. Not this time home. After the 500th time mom asked about "David" in front of her friends, something inside of me snapped. I had to speak out. I turned to her and said confidently " David is well, however Beth, she is not used to such blatant disrespect and is having a hard time of it from you". Simple, to the point and I walked away leaving her there with a shocked and bewildered look upon her face. No tip-toeing around it. I finally put her in her place. I was no longer shamed as her "troubled" daughter. No doubt things were A little uncomfortable for a while but we went on with our visit. Never to speak about it once more.
Beth and I love Southern California. It's one of the best (and most expensive) places on Earth. Chance would rather live there than in good ol' North Carolina. Serenity not so much. Poor baby just kept asking to come home. I bought a lottery ticket on the way out considering moving back for $34 mil. but with the family in shambles, that disconnected, unsettled environment is not the ideal place to raise our kids.
After a week of playing tourist and having some fun and crazy adventures we boarded two more tightly packed planes. Two long drives, two long flights and a long layover after we were finally home. It never felt so good to be home. After an evening of feeling comatose I realized that the garden died, the microwave is broken and that the in laws boarded the dog. Oh yeah let's talk about children and religion. humph! Oh well, at least Serenity is eating again.